Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
