So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
