so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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