No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
