the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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