We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
