Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
