nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
