There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
