OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
