opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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