I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
