it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You need a sexual gate keeper
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
