She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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