Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
