is your mom at the bar?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
