College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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