My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
