Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
