11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
kristin has been a bad kristin
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
