im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
