So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
