I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
