I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
