Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's always time for handjobs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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