the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
