I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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