i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
