we have officially lost it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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