Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
