I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's blow job season.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
