What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
