How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
