but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
