my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
