Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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