i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
