just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
