A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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