get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
