Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
