I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
