someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
