Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
