I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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