I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
