i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had sex on a roof
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
