At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
