I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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