at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
