I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
