a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we're making bets on your personal life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
