the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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